[Written by Felix Scholz]

What Flavour of Watch Guy Are You?

A veteran watch journalist and podcaster turns his pen loose on 10 quintessential characters you'll meet in the world of rare vintage watch collecting. If any (or all) of these archetypes sound familiar, just remember: good satire comes from a place of genuine affection...

There’s a near-infinite quantity of watches in the world, a figure which is quickly being matched by the number of watch guys out there looking for their next wrist-worn trophy. But, for all that diversity, we’ve found (through extensive peer-reviewed research, naturally) that there’s only a handful of watch guy archetypes: characters, personalities, whatever you choose to call them.

That begs the question: are you in it for the money, like ‘The Accountant’? Or do you prefer a more vibe-based approach, like ‘The Artist’ or even — heaven forbid — ‘The Menswear guy’ who is absolutely cuckoo for craftsmanship. Read on below and find out for yourself…

The C-Suite Executive

In a deliciously ouroboros-like example of life imitating art imitating life, today’s c-suite executive has traded in their traditional uniform of crisp, powerful tailoring (Savile Row or West 57th — depending which side of the Atlantic you’re on) and seemingly infinite supply of Hermès neckties for something that resembles an high-budget cosplay of Succession. Wardrobe of Pantone-approved cashmere basics? Naturally.

Of course, as the expression of corporate power evolves, so too do the watches. And nothing says “I can buy everything you and your extended family could ever dream of owning” quite like a Patek Philippe Ref. 2499. Specifically: third series, flat dial.

The Tech Entrepreneur (a.k.a. "The Founder")

Big Tech has, much like the product it transacts in, changed dramatically over the last 20 years. The same type of mindset that allows over-educated sales dudes to turn sleep into a premium subscription model (looking at you Eight Sleep!) and sell the AI equivalent of ice to Inuits also gives them mental agility; which is why they’re making a call on one of the most significant Patek Philippe watches of the modern era — the Ref. 5208.

Justified as a piece that “maximises shareholder value”, this famed grand complication was only produced for a few years between 2011 to 2018. Admittedly, still a lengthier run time than the Founder’s last startup.

The Artist (a.k.a. "The Scion")

While the image of a struggling artist has great cultural cachet, it’s difficult to maintain when you are, in fact, heir to a third-generation oil-and-gas empire — the sort of individual who claims (not immodestly) that your penchant for painting is “self-taught”, even though papa has a few Monets hanging in the summer house.

Still, you’re eager to express yourself; and the Swiss finishing school to Gagosian pipeline is very real. Of course, pursuing art for art's sake means that material-objects-as-status are nothing to you. Instead, you wear one of dad’s dusty old Pateks, because it doesn’t matter if you get paint on it. Don’t worry: the fact that it’s a Ref. 3700 that your father was gifted in the ‘80s by some not-so-minor royal, is besides the point.

The Accountant

It makes perfect sense that the Accountant, a man who lives and breathes the language of assets and investments, would stick to the blue-chip stocks of the horological world — Patek Philippe. Multifaceted and considered, like a well-pruned hedge fund, this character has quietly gone about accumulating a wealth of well-researched references from the Maison; though the one he wears the most is, of course, the Ref. 5212. Not only does its weekend calendar indication make it incredibly useful, but he also writes it off as a “work-related” expense come tax season.

The Athlete

If people think that the 90 minutes on the pitch are the most exciting moments in the Athlete’s life, then they clearly haven’t experienced the high stakes of contract negotiation, career-ending injuries or the sort of inter-personal drama that can only arise when both your left and right feet have their own multimillion-dollar endorsements.

Naturally, this sort of competitive mindset plays out across the wrist too, with the Ref. 5980/1R being the flex du jour. And if those contract negotiations are going very well? You’ll probably spy the Athlete with this reference in the full pavé, factory-set configuration.

The Model (a.k.a. "Fashion Killa")

Fashion, by definition, changes. And boy is it hard work staying on top of — or ideally ahead of — the style bell-curve. These days, that looks a lot like leaning into the “stealth wealth” aesthetic and tapping into that deep vein of ‘70s design nostalgia that’s all over social media in the form of a Patek Philippe Golden Ellipse.

Sure, the Model can tell you about the influences of the Golden Ratio on the Ellipse’s proportions and its (typically) blue dial if you ask. Really though, he bought it for the same reason that he’s got a Noguchi table in his SoHo loft: because he saw it in the feed of somebody way cooler than him.

The I.T. Guy

Surprisingly, the soft curves of the Patek Philippe Ellipse also inspire the coders, engineers and front-end developers of the world — all of whom are inaccurately (and somewhat insultingly) lumped into the catchall category of ‘I.T. Guy’.

Unlike the Model, the I.T. Guy craves a very specific kind of chunky Ellipse — one powered by the legendary Beta 21, the first Swiss consortium-made quartz movement. In addition to being extremely accurate, it’s a potent symbol of how I.T. guys (once lampooned, seemingly, for doing the thankless yet vital work of clearing browser caches) can steer the course of history.

The Lawyer (a.k.a "Mister Counselor")

A truly top-tier lawyer is many things. Confident, calm, knowledgeable, unassuming and overwhelmingly urbane. He slides into any room perfectly: never giving away too much, but always demanding respect. Which is why the Patek Philippe Ref. 570 would be a likely choice of everyday timepiece.

Commendably subtle, the classical design codes and understated dial are a good match for his winning track record. Arguably, the only concession made to ostentation are the Breguet numerals, which, in the Lawyer’s eyes, add some discreet flair.

The Finance Bro

Never one to think too deeply about style – beyond whether or not to run his Patagonia, Arc’teryx or Moncler puffer vest – the Finance Bro is deeply concerned about fitting in, but also flexing. (Albeit not too much, lest he draw the wrath of HR.)

So, in the most banal way possible, this self-styled corporate raider opts to move with the pack: rocking a steel Rolex Daytona (ceramic bezel, predictably) that he bought through a “certified” pre-owned webstore in 2021, at prices that, as his peers continually remind him, were well over market.

The Menswear Guy

Some people appreciate fine watches for the technical skill, others are in it only for the clout that accompanies wearing something truly rare. The ‘Menswear Guy’ is in it (as he’s sure to tell you, incessantly) for the craft. He treats watches like he does his tailoring — obsessing about the minutest, and most hidden of details, be that the type of canvas used or execution of an interior angle.

That is why the ‘Menswear Guy’ chooses the legendary Patek Philippe Calatrava Ref. 2526. After all, small details make up the final picture, and perhaps the only thing more stunning than a perfect waterfall shoulder is this Calatrava’s famously enamel, eggshell-coloured dial.